i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
