Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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