An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
