who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Randomize
