my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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