Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
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