can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
