becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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