Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
