I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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