do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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