God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
