he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I could fuck to npr.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
