Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
high people should be assigned attendants
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
