After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
