dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
