Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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