i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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