I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
