another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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