I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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