So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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