you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
