So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
