Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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