i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
