dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
As shirtless as possible
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
