I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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