Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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