you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
