I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
