Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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