it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
