just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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