She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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