can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
