Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
