Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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