if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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