my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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