My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
