I wish my penis had an off switch
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
