It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
