I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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