I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
