yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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