You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize