I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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