So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
