look no pants
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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