hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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