fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
