its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
