every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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