she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
