Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
