I think my fart just growled at me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
