Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
