I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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