in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
