she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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