well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
