So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
