the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
