i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
did i just pee glitter
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
