the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
