happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
that's an acceptable place to lick
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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