The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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