My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
