dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
