she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
