You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
