i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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