why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
