I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
