he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
