She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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