Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
