I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize