Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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