Tell her she can't have a vagina
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
3 2 1 whiskey
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
