forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
