dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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