Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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