I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
