I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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