the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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