Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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