I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
