i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
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