You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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