Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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